I'm so tired of how I have to be fake on here.
If I say anything political or hard hitting, its like I don't exist. But if I post a video of a funny dog, suddenly people start seeing my posts
I put a post up on facebook asking my 'friends', those I have actually met in person, if they could sign a petition - something that could keep me in this country and SAVE MY LIFE. I'm sorry to say hardly any of you reacted
Yet I put it up on Twitter and over 750 people who have never met me, want to support me and sign it. There's something very wrong with that picture.
It's so lonely being the UK born face of Pizzagate. A fake-ass SRA "victim" who people feel sorry for fake me, over stuff that never even happened.
So lonely being a fake-ass fraud.
Being inauthentic day after day, after month, after year. It is soul-destroying. It takes its toll.
My new faux family who claim to love me, don't know me at all, not the real me. Nor did the last faux family. When all you have in life is a fake persona, to try and gain attention from the gullible in this world, the attention you gain, rings hollow.
I'm a hollow, developmentally arrested widdle girl, what more can I say?
If my faux newest family, and my faux Social Media fake "friends", knew the real me, and realized the wrongs I have done on so many people that I have lost count, they wouldn't want to touch me with a barge pole. As Christians, would they really forgive me? Has Catherine forgiven me?
I am a hollow-gram to them.
This is the truth I carry to my bed with me every night, the truth that I have hidden behind my "smile".
I am a complete and utter phoney. I have painted myself into a corner of lies, and more lies. I am too afraid to admit the truth to them, so I double down with the absurd lies.
My real family, back in the UK, know the real me. They raised me from a baby. They know which of the things I say are true, and which are complete lies. They have reached out to me, since I came to the US on a fraudulent premise being that I was a legitimate Asylum seeker.
Have they forgiven me?
They know how many thousands of children they have " murdered". So do I.
Zero. At least the me they reach out to, is the real me. Not some Social Media construction.
Deep down I know the US Ninth Circuit court will not let me stay in the US.
They have judged my character and found it wanting. If they check in with the UK authorities who also have big fat file on me, all their worst suspicions will be confirmed.
I have bought some time, that is all. but time for what ?
answer: To live an inauthentic life here, as an inauthentic persona.
Not even as a person... just a persona... and eventually it will be stamped across my US ICE file, and then my passport,
"Persona non Grata." DEPORT.
Smart people don't buy my bullshit, and they never have, ever since I started telling these pork pies back in the UK to social workers, Mental Health workers, and the Police. Judges are no different as they tend to be smart also. I have had enough trips to US courts already to know that by now.
This is why I am being electronically monitored, 24/7.
This is why I have a huge bail bond on me.
ICE know I am fundamentally dishonest and trying to 'game' the US Immigration system, and they was ( let's face it), onto me as soon as they started interviewing me in April 2015.
"We don't believe you" , they said at LAX.
"We don't believe you", said the US judges I have already perjured myself in front of.
It's all in my US Govt file, and this won't change, and I will be eventually packed up onto an airplane and sent home to Britain. My time here will run out.
The only people here who believe my faux persona and backstory, so absurdly over the top as it is, are very dumb people, the majority of whom I have never even met IRL and never will meet.
I'm like an avatar to them. That is all I will ever be to them.
They are well intentioned for the most part - kind even, some of them, - but ultimately as thick as wooden planks. Dumb as sacks of hammers.
Mugs, Fall guys, Patsies, Chumps, Suckers, Marks. Schlemiels, Pigeons, Numpties, Sitting ducks, Fair game, Saps...
You have to be thick to really, truly, believe the things I have said, have written, have videoed, have tweeted....and yet I can't insult them now by calling them thick, gullible, stupid, and the rest... as I now rely on them for my livelihood, at least while I am here in the USA on borrowed time.
I have hoovered up their time, their attention, their empathy, their shock, their misplaced admiration, their sympathy, their care, their "love", their money, ... thousands of dollars of their money...
I am trapped in my own tangled web. Wearing a mask.
There; I have said it.
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| Xmas - wearing my Mask - with faux family #2 |
